Belize City - The Taxi Chronicles - 03.06.22

Yesterday, after I had made it through customs, I walked through the last door and was hit with a barrage of “need a taxi?!?” I don’t mess around in situation like that. Fk it. I need a taxi. Let’s do this thing. I was immediately directed to my car and driver… barely a few steps away. The car was an 80s something Oldsmobile sedan, or some version of… it was a complete POS, and smelled like the 80s, had an analog clock and was not firing on at least one, and probably more cylinders.

It did have the Belize “Gold Standard” certificate taped to the windshield. The “Gold Standard” means they do good things and now with the pandemic, it has something to do with saying everything has gotten the antibacterial scrub-a-dub. The car doesn’t have to fire on all cylinders… but I won’t get the germs in my nose holes. Works for me.

The driver was named Evan… and MrEvan drove the hell out of the Olds, despite the puttering. I refuse to live in fear. It is important to me that I made this far in life… nothing more. I was happy to be in that moment and at that moment. I just went with the ebb and flow with the Evan and the Olds. That even sounds poetic.

So… when MrEvan would swerve within one inch of a light pole, or bridge railing, or motorcycle, or fruit stand… I would calmly pull my arm back in the window and then reinsert my arm hanging out the window (as you should do while riding shotgun in any 80s sedan) when the danger had passed. Zen by example. He magically found my boarding house with next to no instruction from me. I thanked him for not killing me one single time on the way there and tipped him 5 dollars American.

Today’s anecdote revolves around one’s transportation needs. I certainly enjoy my adventure pod in the American SouthWest, it’s like a little self-contained land submarine. Very comforting.

When I fly into a joint I use all forms of transport sans car rental. I’ve never rented a car. Never… meaning with the exception of Portland, Maine… and today. Try getting around the coast of Maine without a car.

I so enjoy just walking. Exploring with my feet on the ground. There’s some vulnerability but you see much. I like figuring out the transportation when I’m in a new place. I’m a man of the people. I like pubic transportation (no, that’s not misspelled).

This Belize adventure is short, and the logistics to do the minimum of what I’d like eats up too much time. For example, the Altun-Ha Mayan Ruin would entail hiring a taxi ($80-100USD) to pick me up at my joint, then drop me off at the ruins, the driver is hired to then sit and wait for me to hike around until I’m done and then takes me back after I’ve completed taking one millionbillion pics and so on… I would always be thinking about the guy just sitting there. Probably cursing my name the entire time and also, likely eating my spare snacks. Fk it… I’m renting a car.

So… check this out. I rented the car online. Not a bad deal. I booked it for today; and started huffing on foot to the main office not long after. I took the long way by the lighthouse, which was totally worth it. Sites of birds dive-bombing for fish snacks in the sea and everything.

I made it to the main office. 82°F and humid. I’m hot. I’ve been in the cold and very dry high desert for most of the winter. My body is saying “whaHappening?!?”

Anywho… where was I…? oh yeah… there were some dudes loitering on the corner where the main office was, and they asked me if I needed a taxi. “No, I don’t need a taxi… I’m renting a car here.” Nope. They told me the main office closed because of the Covid and everything else was closed down because it’s Sunday. I’d have to go across town to the airport location. Guess who needs a taxi?

Young MrDomingo offered to taxi me. Private cars are taxis and apparently you can haul any Gen X Americans in any POS automobile as long as they will voluntarily get into your vehicle. Fk it… I got in.

Now… we all know we should use caution when in unknown lands. I’m sure your parents told you to never get in strangers cars… yeah? Mine could give two shits and never said such a thing to me. So… now I’m riding in some strangers SUV in an unknown land to the car rental joint across town… presumably.

Within moments, Mr Domingo alerts me that not only is he a taxi driver but he is also a pharmacist. Funny… he did not look like a pharmacist. “Any-ting you want, buddy.” Hmmmm… anything I want?!? I like the sound of that.

We did actually make it to the car rental joint. Domingo waited for me outside to make sure I would get my car… because, you see… I thought it was Monday but everything was closed because it was Sunday, and by the time I figured out my reservation was one day off… we were already there. The concerned Pharmacist told me that they’ll change the rental day, easy peasy… or whatever the equal of ‘easy peasy’ is in a creole patois.

The car rental joint said it would be a hot mess but I could get my car today… i would just have to wait a bit. I went out to thank Domingo and he gave me his number… in case I needed a taxi, or annnnnnnyyy-ting else. With the wink winks. Any-ting!

Come to think of it… Fk it! For my own selfish reasons he could do away with the capital gains tax, just on my behalf. He said any-ting. And the world peace ting too… I guess.

I finally got my car. It is a Jeep POS. The seatbelt alarm doesn’t shut off, they said to ignore the engine chexk light if it comes on, the USB things are missing, and the drivers seat is wonky and is sitting with a slope to left. The seat is so low, I can barely see over the steering wheel and I probably look like a 10 year old driving to the 7-Eleven in his aunts car to buy her, yet another pack of cigarettes… POS or not… it’s mine. My special Belize land submarine to get me to all the things.

This was an exceptionally long mouthful of words… even for me. Understand, in no way did I accept the drugs, derived from Erythroxylum coca leaves, from my TaxiDriver/Pharmacist… I was just in the mood to tippy-tap out my story and had some extra moments.

I did think about it tho…

a couple of times.